the prayer that got answered

Wow, 1 year and 6 months since my last post. A lot can happen in that time. Like having a baby.

In a previous post, I wrote about how I had a baby dream. Now at that time, I already had a 7 year old and I had absolutely NO plans of having another baby. EVER. There were many reasons, mainly because I was sick for so long. And my first child was very high maintenance in his first couple of years that it turned me off from having any more kids.

Fast forward to 2014 and that baby dream. Deep down, I always wanted to have another child. I think that dream kind of spoke to me in several ways. I knew it wasn’t a random dream. God had given me that dream in a 2 fold way a) the baby’s name meant “God’s Promise”, meaning that he was going to take me out of the hell I was enduring. b) that it was possible that I would one day hold a baby, despite that I didn’t want one at that time. And that it was going to be a boy, despite the fact that I wanted a girl.

But time was ticking and I was approaching 40. It was now or never. A year later, after much discussion with my husband, we decided to try to have another baby. He loves kids and he was always on board it was just up to me and he would be supportive in any way he could be. Ok. Let’s go have a baby then!

Easier said than done.

First month, negative. Second month, negative, Third month, negative. Fourth month, negative. But God! Didn’t you give me that dream of me holding that baby? Why are you putting me through this misery? I continued to pray for this baby every single day. I remember even one night, I screamed to this unborn baby and said “Mommy is waiting for you to come to me from Heaven!”

It’s funny how you don’t realize how much you want something when you can’t get it. I guess that’s human nature.

Ok. Let’s call in the troops. We had kept this a secret from everyone. But we decided to call our best friend (who’s a Pastor of a church). He had mentioned to me before that he had prayed with several couples who had a hard time conceiving and next thing you know, they got pregnant, and continued to get pregnant. So we asked him to pray for us. He doesn’t live in our city, so him and his wife prayed over us through the phone.

But just to backtrack, I have known him since I was 12, so we go a long ways back, and my husband has known him even longer than I, he was actually our best man at our wedding, and I’m telling you this because of what I am about to say next. I get a text from him that said something like this: “I was praying to God and asked Him when a good time for you to go and conceive, and that date is TONIGHT, so get on it!”. When I got that text, I was like “UMMMM… ok… we have reached a whole new level of friendship. LOL”. I tested what he was saying so I opened up my girly app (I have been tracking and charting my cycles for the past 12 months +) and even to my surprise, that night WAS the NIGHT according to the app. I knew this, believe me, because I have all I was doing was researching conception charts for the past 6 months.

Ok, so if you think I’m crazy now and  have gone completely whacko nuts, you can just close this window and go about your day and perhaps fly at kite or something, perhaps this blog is not for you. But trust me, I have been where you are, questioning and skeptical on just about everything, trying to find logical explanations to this thing called life. But once you have gone on this side, there is no turning back.

Anyway, the next month comes…. and NOTHING. Negative. I text my friend and he was bewildered. I said “You know what? God doesn’t lie. You asked Him plain and simple, what was the best time? And He answered you. It WAS the best time, I can attest to that with my charting. But that didn’t mean a baby was going to be conceived. Maybe the wrong question was asked.”

So we kept praying and another month had passed, and we had booked a trip to Mexico, which was in the works for a long time. I told God that if it doesn’t happen by month 7, that I am calling it quits and perhaps it just wasn’t meant to be. I really didn’t worry about it at all and I didn’t blame God for anything.

When we got back from Mexico, I said this is it. This is the last time. I’m not trying anymore only to be disappointed again. I had a dentist appointment the week after and they wanted to take some X-rays and asked if I was pregnant. I spoke in faith. I said “There’s a chance that I could be.” And I didn’t do the X-ray.

2 weeks later, taking a deep breath as I was about to pee on a stick for the millionth time, preparing to be disappointed. POSITIVE! It’s funny how things work out and how God surprises you in the midst. And just to go off tangent, Dollar Store pregnancy tests do work, so save your money.

In some prayer time, I asked God why this date? Why now? I sensed in my spirit that I had to wait another month because of the whole Zika fiasco happening in Mexico. Had the whole conception thing happened around or before our trip, given my personality and paranoia, I would have thought the worst. Maybe God was trying to save me from all that.

My entire pregnancy wasn’t fun. Everything was fine except the nausea, far worse than my first child. I even bought the book Supernatural Childbirth and read it 5 times. Well, I persevered and just dealt with it. I was not worried about this pregnancy at all and knew that everything was literally in God’s hands and that this baby was protected. Even with all the prenatal screenings because of my age.

Everybody was predicting a girl, but I knew in my heart of hearts, that it was a boy because of my dream. October 2016 finally came and despite the fact that I read that book and prayed consistently, he didn’t arrive without pain. I was 10 days late, but took it in stride and I did get the epidural in the end. We did have to stay in the hospital due to some mild jaundice, but everything turned out really well, the hospital staff was amazing and I was really taken well care of. I had an incredible experience.

And guess what, his middle name is Anaiah. And I love him to death.

toxic thoughts of the mind

I was/am still struggling with fear. The fear that is irrational.

One day, I was browsing through Facebook. I don’t know why because it’s so irritating reading about what everybody and their brother ate for lunch, but I happened to come across someone’s response to one of the “Spiritual People” I follow. The response was buried way deep in the 300+ responses, but for some insane reason, I kept scrolling like I had nothing better to do. I’m pretty much convinced that the Holy Spirit dragged my fingers on my iPad. It said something like this: “Have you heard of Dr. Caroline Leaf? She does wonders for people with toxic thoughts.

In a nutshell, Dr. Caroline Leaf is a Christian Neuroscientist who teaches you how to get rid of your toxic thoughts.


Her research is incredibly eye opening and mind blowing. The video below is the first I watched of many of her lectures and sermons. After I watched this video, I realize how my 25 + years of toxic thinking has literally gotten me to where I am. If you watch this video, it will change your life, especially the ending.

I had recently had this new symptom come on which is a really bad sore throat. I am not talking about a sore throat as in a cold, I am talking about like organ sore, someone jabbing it with knives and squeezing it so I can’t breath. I am not sure what is happening, and I have contemplated going to the doctor, but they will just tell me once again that I am stressed out. Another recent symptom that came on was severe heart palpitations. It was to the point where I would get obsessed and take my blood pressure reading every hour on the hour (yes getting that blood pressure monitor is a whole other story that involves OCD). I’m pretty much convinced that either or both of these issues are the enemy trying to mess with me and talk me out of my healing. (Don’t be stupid and avoid the doctor like me, I’m just saying in my case, the Holy Spirit has revealed to me in several instances that I need to stand my ground.)

So, I watched her video and have been praying to God recently to get rid of this torment with the throat, vertigo and chest palps. I did the activation exercise in the end. Suddenly, something took over me and I literally fell on the floor with some type of force trying to get out of me. I could feel my face contorting. Almost like when Neo went into Agent Smith and broke him into pieces. When it was over, I literally fell to my knees and ended up laying there gasping for breath and a complete wreck. My 8 year old was downstairs playing the Xbox and thank God he didn’t come up or Lucy would have alot of splainin to do.

I stayed on the floor for a while trying to figure out what just happened but I thanked God because I felt an incredible peace. Eventually I got up before the pitter patter of footsteps would eventually come running up. I decided to take 8 year old to the mall to get some dinner and guess what, all those chest palpitations left. A week later, they came back but I was ready for the fight. I rebuked those symptoms and they never came back.

After this experience, I decided to partake in Dr. Caroline Leaf’s 21 Day Brain Detox + read her book called “Switch on Your Brain.



This program helps you get rid of one toxic thought which takes 3 cycles of 21 days through journaling, praying and working with the Holy Spirit. I am on Day 17 of the 21 Days and I must say that I am slowly renewing my mind. Reading back on my journaling through the 17 days, I can definitely see very bad and toxic thought patterns and they are improving every day. You may ask, why bother doing all this when I can just do it on my own without having to go through a paid program? Well, here’s the thing, you are held accountable. Every day, you login through your computer and do the exercises. And believe me, you will WANT to do it, if you really want to change your life. It is my favourite part of the morning.

I still have alot of work to do and I have had some recent breakthroughs (coming in later posts), but when I think back, no amount of pills could have gotten me out of where I was. And I ingested quite alot of them. Happiness and joy comes from deep within. And those are just a few gems from the fruit of the Holy Spirit.

But the fruit that the Spirit produces in a person’s life is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these kinds of things.

Galations 5:22

Obviously the fruit of the demonic is the opposite, oppression, stress, worry, anxiety, fear. It’s quite clear where one wants to be, unless they are twisted. I will leave you with a final and famous Bible passage, which I find rather funny because when I was 12 and newly brought to Christ, this was the first ever Bible verse I had to memorize for Sunday School. The Holy Spirit knows… no joke.

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Romans 12:2

(I was not paid to write this post and I am endorsing the above products because they actually WORK.)

the real face of fear


I am not sure when he entered in, but I think he saw an open door somewhere in my childhood. I remembered my first meeting with him like it was yesterday. I was around 16 years old, about to board a train to another city with a friend of mine. She was saying goodbye to her mom who had dropped us off at the station and just as I was about to take that step up onto the train, he came at me full force, out of nowhere. He made me feel like I was going to die. He made my stomach hurt, he made me start to get all sweaty, he made my heart beat real fast. He made me want to leave.

During our trip to that other city, we had a date with some friends to an amusement park. He came again, uninvited and unwanted and he brought along all those symptoms from before. He made me leave all my friends and made me tell them I felt sick. I never went to the amusement park with them. I still didn’t know who he was or even the fact that he existed, because he made me believe a lie that all of these feelings were my own thoughts.

He came again much later, this time, when I was at a movie theatre with my boyfriend. He came at me so intensely that the only way I knew how to get rid of him was to get out of my situation. So we left the theatre. Without seeing the movie and we couldn’t even get a refund. But I didn’t care.

And he didn’t go away.

He followed me into my last year of high school. I would dread going into my first morning class because I was scared he would come again. Now he wouldn’t leave. He was like a leech, slowly sucking out the joy of life. He was with me day and night and pretty soon, he became a part of me. I didn’t know how to get rid of him.

For the next 20 years or so, he remained hidden deep inside my soul, coming and going as he pleased. I went about life with ups and downs, letting him dictate what I could or could not do. I became his slave. He wouldn’t let me do normal daily functions or commit to appointments. If I did, he would threaten to come out and embarrass me. So I listened to him to make sure he wouldn’t make an appearance and I tried to stifle him as much as I could. He stole much of my life while I sat there and listened to his lies.

I didn’t know he existed until I was 38.

His name is FEAR.

One would think that fear is an emotion. But you know what? Chronic and irrational fear that interrupts our daily activities is no emotion. It’s a spirit. If you don’t believe me, check out 2 Timothy 1:7 “For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”

Ever have a conversation with the spirit of fear? It sounds pretty much like Gollum talking to Smeagol. Watch for my next post on fear…

take every thought captive

Here’s a little excerpt into a mind of an OCD’er. Yep, that’s me.

What should I have for breakfast. I’ll have oatmeal. But wait, the instant oatmeal isn’t as healthy as boiling the other kind. But I don’t have that kind of time to cook and watch it for 20 min. That’s fine anyway, I’m too fat and oatmeal is better than a ham sandwich. Should I have milk with my coffee? How many spoons of honey? Should I even have coffee? Tea is less upsetting on the stomach. Did I forget to put the stuff in the dryer? I need my shirt for tomorrow. Ugh, why didn’t anyone boil the kettle? Maybe I will boil the kettle first, then have a shower and by the time I’m out, it will be done. Why is my ear hurting? Do I have an ear infection? Am I going deaf? Should I go to the doctor? She will think I’m crazy as usual, why bother. I wonder if it’s an attack from the enemy. Should I take meds? Why am I feeling dizzy? Is it a result of the ear pain? Why was ****** so mean to me yesterday, why does he even — “What! Go get your clothes on! Your school bus is coming in 10 minutes!” Maybe I will make that doctor appointment later today. OMG, am I dying? But no wait, God’s got my back. I can’t be dying. Ughh! Why is everything so hard?

That is probably something that would run through my head in less than 15 seconds. Imagine, I still have another 50,400 seconds or so to go before the day is over and my head hits my pillow. Add to this, work, kids, husband, iPhone, iPad, Facebook, instant barrage of messaging from every orifice of every social media platform and we wonder why our brains are at the brink of explosion?

Let’s take a breather. Here are some things I have done to get a little sanity back. I got off Twitter. I lessened my time on Facebook. I was even going to shut my account off altogether, but managing client Facebook pages for work prohibited me to. I got off Pinterest. Pinterest is, essentially a place where you go to wallow in your own misery because no way will you ever attain what anyone on there has. But here I am on a tangent again.

Take a little exercise right now. Go and get a pen and paper and write down every thought that is going through your head for the next 60 seconds. Every single thought. Then come back. It might be hard to get started seeing that I told you to do this so let your mind wander for a bit and then start.

How did you do? Now read what you wrote. How many negative thoughts did you have?


Reading the above scripture in 2 Corinthians 10:5, we need to read the the context surrounding it. Paul wrote the letter to the Corinthians, saying that our fights are not to be fought with the weapons of this world but rather God’s power. That every argument we have is not because of other’s accusations against us, but because of how we respond. And where does that response come from? Our minds. Take every thought captive. How would Jesus respond to your situation if He was in it? Should I get angry at my friend because of the way he said something to me and I got offended? This makes me think of of something Steve Harmon said in a podcast.

Pride is a Defence Mechanism

“Have you ever gotten ticked off lately? Have you ever gotten offended by somebody? Did somebody say something all of a sudden and you got really ticked off because of the way they said it to you? Why did you get angry when they said it to you that way but when they said it to somebody else, they didn’t get angry? Why did you respond like that? It tells you right there that there is something not seen. Judge by the fruit. We think we know ourselves, but we don’t.” { source Podcast: Steve Harmon | Praying Medic }

I can say that Steve is definitely on the ball on this because when my husband and I are in a conversation with a 3rd party, we will both walk out of that conversation with 2 different perspectives. Me, the one who is usually in a huff and puff attitude, and him sauntering away like someone gave him a bag of chocolates. “Didn’t that guy piss you off?”, I would ask. “No, not all all, what conversation were YOU listening to?”, he would respond.


There are 3 types of thoughts. God’s thoughts, your thoughts and the enemy’s thoughts.

God’s thoughts = love, forgiveness, humility, purity, honesty, praise, encouragement, etc.
Your thoughts = you can either agree with God’s thoughts, or the enemy’s thoughts, but let’s be honest, we “usually” agree with the enemy, which we think are our own thoughts, am I right? To my fellow women readers, when was the last time you asked your husband if you looked fat in that dress? I will raise my hand first, with the answer of “Yesterday”.
Enemy’s thoughts = fear, condemnation, negative emotions, pride, anger, worthlessness, sinful, secretive etc.

Next time you are driving and someone cuts you off, what are you going to do? Swear in a fit of road rage, or be thankful that the other car didn’t hit you and thank God for saving your life yet again, and pray for that other person? Next time you are in line at a grocery store behind someone who just found out about extreme couponing, are you going to let out a big sigh loud enough to be heard and roll your eyes, or are you going to be thankful that God gave you enough money to even buy groceries and put food on the table to feed you and your family?

It’s all about Perspective

Yes, how can I sit here and type all this and be all judgemental? Well, those 2 scenarios were me last week. I chose to respond negatively. Which is probably how I ended up in my usual emotional mess. But I am now going to choose to respond with Option B, which really should be my Option A. Take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. Will I remember to do this every time? I think this is something we need to practice, ask God for help and guidance, and just DO. When we stumble, we pick ourselves up and try again. God doesn’t count and remind us of our mistakes, the devil does. God encourages us to keep pressing and moving forward.

How do we do this? Well, literally every thought that comes into your head, if it doesn’t line up with what Christ says, recognize it as a voice from the enemy and strike it out.

Am I fat in that dress? Am I Ugly?

First, recognize the reason you are asking yourself that question. The enemy is trying to get into your head and make you doubt yourself, your worthiness, and your true identity and beauty. What is most important is how God sees you. He sees you as a daughter, a beauty in His sight, no matter what baggage you or I have been carrying all our lives.

Remember those bracelets “WWJD?”. Well, put yours on. I’m going to put mine on right now!

To read more about “Taking Every thought Captive”, check out this website called Life Application Ministries, it has a great write up.

how to become untouchable

My Journal Entry from March 5, 2015 was just the beginning.

Later that evening, after tucking in the kid, I asked,

God, how I could thwart the enemies attacks? I can’t keep doing this every month.

Then, I sensed in my spirit a word:

Have enough faith so that you will become UNTOUCHABLE against the enemy throws. Realize that my grace is sufficient and stop trying to do everything in your own power. You forget that I too, have power. Trust in me that I will come in your aid.

It’s really does blow your mind how God answers prayer. The next day, my Facebook feed was hit up with these 2 updates:

Steve Peace Harmon
I thought it was self-explanatory when I said it, but let me say it again. That’s my fault. I shouldn’t have assumed. But anyways. Destroying the works of the devil means to destroy sickness that kills people so they don’t have to suffer. Destroying the works of the devil means that it is bringing down demonic powers that create lies in a person’s mind that take away from identity. Destroying the works of the devil means that you are taking people out of darkness and bringing them into light. I’m only quoting the very thing John said about Jesus when he described his mission.

Katie Souza
Yesterday we received forgiveness for our bitter words and actions. NOW LET’S GET SOME HEALING!! Put your hands on your belly. Say out loud, “I receive the Dunamis power that’s in my spirit and I release it right now into my soul. I don’t have to earn it, it’s already been done. When I was born again the Dunamis power of Jesus Christ filled up my spirit man! I don’t have to earn it, it’s a free gift. It never runs out, it’s an endless supply. It’s going to flow into my soul right now, all night long, into tomorrow and the rest of the week. Minute by minute I’m getting healed. Those layers of bitterness are coming off, layer by layer, victory by victory, more and more peace, joy, healing and financial breakthrough coming my way because my soul is becoming excellent. I am excellent of soul in Jesus’ name! Amen!” Now praise and thank the Lord!! He just healed you!! And keep it up during your worship time. Let the dunamis power of Jesus flood your soul!

So, I ask another God another question. How do I STAY untouchable?

March 8, 2015
Not only did my friend get partially healed, but God answered again. I had my 8 year old pray for me as I was getting vertigo and headaches again. I needed his faith. The faith of a child. God led to Galations 5.

Love Me with all your Heart, Soul and Mind.

Keep Your Freedom

We have freedom now, because Christ made us free. So stand strong in that freedom. Don’t go back into slavery again. Listen! I, Paul, tell you that if you start following the law by being circumcised, then Christ cannot help you. Again, I warn everyone: If you allow yourselves to be circumcised, then you must follow the whole law. If you try to be made right with God through the law, your life with Christ is finished—you have left God’s grace. I say this because our hope of being right with God comes through faith. And the Spirit helps us feel sure as we wait for that hope. When someone belongs to Christ Jesus, it is not important if they are circumcised or not. The important thing is faith—the kind of faith that works through love.

You were doing so well. Who caused you to stop following the truth? It certainly wasn’t the one who chose you. Be careful! “Just a little yeast makes the whole batch of dough rise.” I trust in the Lord that you will not believe those different ideas. Someone is trying to confuse you. Whoever it is will be punished.

My brothers and sisters, I don’t teach that a man must be circumcised. If I do teach circumcision, then why am I still being persecuted? If I still taught circumcision, then my message about the cross would not be a problem. I wish those people who are bothering you would add castration to their circumcision.

My brothers and sisters, God chose you to be free. But don’t use your freedom as an excuse to do what pleases your sinful selves. Instead, serve each other with love. The whole law is made complete in this one command: “Love your neighbor the same as you love yourself.”  If you continue hurting each other and tearing each other apart, be careful, or you will completely destroy each other.

The Spirit and Human Nature

So I tell you, live the way the Spirit leads you. Then you will not do the evil things your sinful self wants. The sinful self wants what is against the Spirit, and the Spirit wants what is against the sinful self. They are always fighting against each other, so that you don’t do what you really want to do. But if you let the Spirit lead you, you are not under law.

The wrong things the sinful self does are clear: committing sexual sin, being morally bad, doing all kinds of shameful things, worshiping false gods, taking part in witchcraft, hating people, causing trouble, being jealous, angry or selfish, causing people to argue and divide into separate groups, being filled with envy, getting drunk, having wild parties, and doing other things like this. I warn you now as I warned you before: The people who do these things will not have a part in God’s kingdom. But the fruit that the Spirit produces in a person’s life is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these kinds of things.Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified their sinful self. They have given up their old selfish feelings and the evil things they wanted to do. We get our new life from the Spirit, so we should follow the Spirit. We must not feel proud and boast about ourselves. We must not cause trouble for each other or be jealous of each other.

March 9, 2015
Another answer. I happened to be on Facebook again, and Sid Roth’s newsfeed showed popped up.

Sid Roth ~ Rick Renner shares how you don’t have to put up with the devil or his schemes any longer.

March 11, 2015
Another answer. I happened to go on YouTube and this pops up.

Curry Blake – Becoming Untouchable

The Full Armour of God

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people. ~ Ephesians 6:10-18

The Breakdown of Ephesians 6:10-18

  • Belt of Truth ~ God’s Word. His promises.
  • Breastplate of Righteousness ~ to do right in God’s eyes.
  • Shoes ~ Gospel of Peace
  • Shield of Faith ~ Each Roman solider had a tailor-made shield called a Thureon (an oblong door). It was made out of wood and leather. It was dipped and saturated in water so that it would put out the fie against enemy flames. Likewise, our faith has to be saturated in the Word of God, and when we do that, it becomes a force that the enemy CANNOT penetrate. We are essentially, dressed to kill. ~ Rick Renner
  • Helmet of Salvation ~ our salvation
  • Sword of the Spirit ~ the Written Word

The Sword of the Spirit belongs to the Spirit. The Holy Spirit is not a doctrine or denomination or optional experience. He is a person.

He is God in action on earth.

If you want to know God and His word, you need the Holy Spirit, you need His presence, His voice, His help, His teaching, His guidance.

~ Daniel Kolenda

So my final question to you is,
Does God answer our questions?

a series of fortunate events

Going back to my story, where it involved a little deliverance session, time went on. I continued to press into God for answers. I documented dreams that I swore were so real over the next year and 4 of them are showcased here.


January 2014 – A visitation from the enemy
I was in a dark basement with 2 friends. We were sitting at a square table conversing and they told me that satan is about to walk in the room and that if I looked at him in the eyes, he would kill me. The reason being that he did not want me to know that he existed. I was completely full of fear and then the time came when satan entered into the room. I don’t recall what he looked like, but he was a very monstrous looking being and his presence made me want to crawl into a hole and disappear. I tried not to utter a peep, but somehow, he knew that I knew that he was present and I could not hide. Immediately he screamed at the 2 people and me and lunged directly towards me and that was when I tried to say “Geeeet oooout!” but I could not even mutter them because it felt like someone was choking my neck. I was literally paralyzed. I woke up and heard myself trying to scream those words. This woke up my husband beside me and later said that when I screamed, it was not my voice.

My interpretation:
The enemy will try to hinder your progress as you walk into the light. As you get closer to God and pursue Him, you will reach road blocks. It is also very well known that satan does not want people to know that he exists. That is a great ploy as you can see that lots of Churches, even a Christian Church will not talk about the demonic realm nor equip the members for spiritual warfare. I remember reading the bulletin at my Church with an ad that said “Do you know someone or are you dealing with anxiety and depression? Come to this seminar to see how you can cope.” Sorry, I don’t want to cope. I want to be FREE.

July 21, 2014 – A baby promise

One of my out of town friends is an assistant Pastor and one weekend, he came into town to preach at a local Church about the fact that the Holy Spirits dwell in our hearts (if you receive Him). Yes, what Christian DOESN’T know this? But if you actually think about that, how is that not the most awesome thing in the world? The same Spirit that raised Christ from the dead is the same Spirit that resides in all of us.

For a long while, I have been contemplating on having a second child, however my illness had prevented me from doing that. Mainly because you can pass Lyme onto your baby, and you had to take all these meds to prevent that and I wanted no part of doing that all over again. Plus, will I be even fit to care for a baby at age 39? I felt that I was too old and too tired.

After listening to that word from my friend, I pondered that message before going to bed and was so happy. That night, I had a dream that we had a baby boy and named him Aniah. I have never even heard of that name before, nor did I even like that name, nor did I even know the correct spelling of it, but I when I woke up, I looked it up.


Seriously? Sometimes you have to be just in total amazement and know that there are no coincidences.

My Interpretation: That God keeps His promises that He will protect us and keep us safe from any disease or sickness. Go and read Psalm 91, it’s all there. This dream to me meant that I could have a baby and not worry about the outcome. That he/she will be safe and healthy.

August 6, 2014 – A Financial Boost

I was reading a book called “How to work with Angels in your Life“, by Kevin Basconi. Nearing the end of the book, there was an activation prayer that would help you increase the angelic ministry upon your own life.

I had be really wanting to go and see Todd White preach and found out that he was going to be in San Francisco on the day of my 14th Anniversary. I thought that this would be an amazing trip to go sightseeing as well as attend this conference. However the cost for this trip was alot. We had also just given $500 to our niece to help her with schooling, so I let the idea go. The flights alone was roughly $1430.

Later that week, I received a cheque in the mail for the amount of $1469.65 from a governement tax refund. My immediate thought was not to do the home reno I have been wanting, or buy new clothes, but the fact that this amount was almost near to the dollar for the cost of the flights. I immediately asked God, if this was Him hinting for me to go, to give me another sign. Twenty minutes later, I received a text from a friend telling me he was coming over to give me $500 for a job referral.

Like I said, no coincidences.

My Interpretation: God knows what is in our hearts. Sometimes you are rewarded when you are faithful.

August 30, 2014 – An Angelic Healing

On July 1, 2014, something happened. I noticed a huge rash on my leg that appeared to be a typical bulls eye rash. We were at a horse track. If you have been following along, here’s the timeline:

2010 – 2012 – I got mysterious symptoms which no Doctor could diagnose.
2012 – 2013 – Diagnosed with Lyme Disease and went on hardcore antibiotics.
November 2013 – God intervention that required me to get off meds.
July 2014 – I got a bulls eye rash on my leg indicative of a re-infection of Lyme.

I can’t go into the details of what Lyme is and the diagnosis and all (which you can find in my initial blog here), but what this bulls eye rash meant was BAD NEWS. I yet again, had to go to ER, argue with doctors, try to get appropriate meds, take them for a month, barf from the side effects, etc. Not to mention that 9 other people were with me at the time of this potential bite and none of them got bit by any bug.

So I took the 3 weeks of meds and I called it quits. I had to realize that this was yet another attack from the enemy. I could either believe the lie that was upon me, or I can declare the truth as it was written.

Then, something incredible happened to me only 3 weeks later in a dream.

We were at a Disney resort (we travel here alot with our son). This beautiful girl came to pray for me but for some reason, my husband had interrupted. I turned around to get her attention again but a cleaning person blocked the way. I was going to let her go, because frankly I was just tired of all the healing sessions, but a voice in me told her to come back and so I got her attention. She had long brown hair and a purple dress. I asked her to pray for me and she said “What is wrong?” with this genuine concern in her eye. She closed her eyes, put her hand on my forehead and I had said “I have been battling a sickness….” and she shhh’d me. Then I thought, here we go again, another prayer that is not going to work. And then BAM, an energy force went through my body from my neck down to my toes. It was so strong that it froze me. It lasted about 5-15 seconds. I could NOT move.

She stopped praying and when I opened my eyes, my son was at my side. I said to him “What happened!? What happened when she prayed for me?” He was standing at the bottom of these set of stairs/bannister and said while pointing to the air very excited, that “all these serpents were flying, flying everywhere mommy!”. I said “Really?” He said “Yes”, and “they were winding here and here“, making hand gestures in S-shapes. The dream was so incredibly real and then it woke me up. I looked at the clock and it said 2:24 pm. I thought that when I was talking to my son, that I was awake, but I was not. It was a dream within a dream (Inception anyone?). I remember wondering who the girl praying for me was, because usually you have to be careful about those things, but seeing her face re-assured me that she was a relatively well known healing minister which put me at ease.

When I really woke up, I laid there as if coming off a roller coaster. I remembered every detail that happened and documented it. I had been having some stomach pain for previous 2 days which was gone. Also, my hands did not feel shaky anymore for the next week. This was it. This is when I was healed. I had to claim it and not look back. This was my time stamp.

Is the angelic and demonic realm real?

Even when I was a very young Christian, I didn’t fully understand what all of this meant. Is there a realm that we cannot see? I always associated dabbling in the unseen realm to be demonic. I used to have a fascination with ouija boards and astral projection. But like with everything, there is good and there is bad. There is light and there is darkness.

It depends on where your source is. If you are trying to talk to the dead through a medium then that is demonic. If you are preforming healings and miracles through a witch doctor, that would be demonic. Those sources are considered darkness using a counterfeit spirit. However, if you use the Holy Spirit as your guide, that is light. If you use Jesus as your source, you can go no wrong.

For good reads on the unseen realm, I highly recommend these 4 books, all of which I read.

theveilThe Veil
 by Blake Healy

The Veil, this is an excellent book and very easy to read. I think I finished it in 2 days. Get it in the kindle version so you don’t have to wait. It is well worth the 2 Starbucks coffee’s that it costs.

Synopsis: In this engrossing and enlightening debut, Blake Healy shares the story of his unusual gift. Having been born with the ability to see angels and demons as regularly and clearly as anything else in waking life, his journey has been one of unique perspective and unique challenge. It is an amazingly clear view into the realm of the spirit, as well as a true testament to the power of living a life in pursuit of deeper relationship with God. Full to the brim with amazing stories and stunning experiences, “The Veil” is an incredible look into the world of the spirit.

angelicAngelic Visitations 
by Michael Van Vlymen

Synopsis: Angelic VisitationsThe purpose of the book is to show that you do not have to be satisfied with reading about the marvelous accounts and testimonies of others. Angelic visitations and supernatural encounters are for EVERYONE! Believe it because it’s true! Angelic Visitations and Supernatural Encounters is a record of supernatural events taken from the journal accounts of Michael Van Vlymen, author of How to See in the Spirit. The goal of the author was to show that God’s supernatural life is not just for a “chosen few”, but for everyday, ordinary people as well. The record of events range from supernatural provision to healings to angelic visitations and more, experienced in normal, everyday living.

seeinspiritHow to See in the Spirit
by Michael Van Vlymen

Synopsis: How to See in the Spirit is a practical guide on engaging the spirit realm. A step by step guide if you will, on this highly desired gift of the Holy Spirit.

It was the goal of author Michael R. Van Vlymen that this book be helpful and practical to the reader. That all the steps to open one’s spiritual eyes, be presented in plain English, so that everyone would know exactly what to do and how to do it.

In How to See in the Spirit you will learn:

Why stillness and imagination are keys to sight
How to exercise your spiritual senses
When to press in for maximum results
Who is ready and willing to help you
What blocks your sight and how to remove it


Seeing in the Spirit Made Simple by Praying Medic

Synopsis: Seeing in the Spirit Made Simple provides clear, simple, biblical instruction that will help you see into the invisible world of the spirit. It is the second book in The Kingdom of God Made Simple series; a self-study course designed to train believers how to live out the fullness of the life offered to us as heirs of God’s kingdom.

The predominant view in the church today holds that seeing in the spirit is a rare gift given to only a few special people, or an anointing we must seek. With the same straightforward, down-to-earth style used in Divine Healing Made Simple, the author holds this view up to the light of scripture, and suggests that it has no biblical basis. Rather than being a gift given by God to only a few people, seeing in the spirit is an innate ability we all possess, which lies undeveloped in most of us. Through prayer, training and exercise, this ability can be awakened and used by virtually anyone. The author provides Bible-based teaching along with dozens of testimonies and illustrations. There are also practical exercises at the end of the chapters to help develop your ability to see in the spirit.

Praying Medic and his wife have only recently learned how to see in the spirit. Come along as they re-trace the path they’ve taken that has led them to see angels, demons and the heavenly realms. Whether you’re a seasoned seer or a newbie, you’ll learn from the experiences and insights they share. Not only will you develop better spiritual eyesight, but your relationship with God will grow too.

Anyone can learn to see in the spirit… ANYONE!

there is no spoon

When The Matrix first came out, I had to watch it about 6 times to fully understand it. And that was only the first Matrix. Forget about the other two. Let me point out the obvious analogies between The Matrix and The Bible.

The Architect
Nebuchadnezzar Ship
The Oracle
The Agents
The Wildnerness
The Holy Spirit
Chaldean King of the Neo-Babyonian Empire
A Prophet
The Demons

When I was down in the slums during my sickness, but at the point where I was reaching out to God for answers and questioning His existence, I remember turning on The Matrix to get my mind off myself. I stared blankly at the movie not even really paying attention until Morpheus asked Neo this question.

“Do you believe?”

Some type of force hit my brain because the second Morpheus asked that, it was like he jumped out of the TV into my living room and asked me instead.

I believe that God can talk to you through anything. Inner voice, visions, signs, movies, posters, dreams, coincidences, other people, even people who don’t have faith. I know because it has happened many times to me.

Best Quotes from The Matrix,
which I have paired with Bible verses.

Spoon boy: Do not try and bend the spoon. That’s impossible. Instead… only try to realize the truth.
Neo: What truth?
Spoon boy: There is no spoon.
Neo: There is no spoon?
Spoon boy: Then you’ll see, that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself.


Morpheus: You have to let it all go, Neo. Fear, doubt, and disbelief. Free your mind.


Cypher: You know, I know this steak doesn’t exist. I know that when I put it in my mouth, the Matrix is telling my brain that it is juicy and delicious.


Trinity: I know why you’re here, Neo. I know what you’ve been doing… why you hardly sleep, why you live alone, and why night after night, you sit by your computer. You’re looking for him. I know because I was once looking for the same thing. And when he found me, he told me I wasn’t really looking for him. I was looking for an answer. It’s the question that drives us, Neo. It’s the question that brought you here. You know the question, just as I did.


Trinity: Please Neo, you have to trust me.
Neo: Why?
Trinity: Because you have been down there Neo, you know that road, you know exactly where it ends. And I know that’s not where you want to be.


So, what if we ARE really living in some sort of Matrix?
What if it is really true that everything we see, feel, hear and experience now is only temporal?
Is that steak really real? Is that really air that we are breathing?
Which person are you? Are you Neo, trying to find an answer? Or are you Trinity, one that knows the truth? Or are you simply just plugged into the system?

Wherever you are in life right now, know this; The Creator of the Universe is fighting for you.

On Sept 24, 2013, fear and I what I believe now to be a spiritual attack, had landed me in the hospital where I was required to get a spinal tap. I had a sudden onset of a headache, which later resulted in a panic attack and spiralling thoughts that went downhill.

1. The first part of that story is here.
2. The second part (not so good story) is here.

Two months after these events, I had an appointment with a Neurologist to see the outcome of the brain MRI. Literally, seconds before I walked into their office to get the results, I received a Facebook message of a prophetic word that someone directed specifically to me because I had asked a while back for it. This was the message.

“God says, no looking back. The “ghosts” of yesterday cannot follow you into the new season I am calling you into, says the Lord. There is more for you to do, on the other side of this mountain. I am calling you forward and calling you higher. Today is a new day, and you are blessed of your Father in heaven who loves you outside of all conditions. He has never ceased to pursue your heart… and has loved you fiercely. He was fighting for you, as you were pressing to make the journey through the wilderness. He was declaring the Word of the Lord over your circumstances… and He has never stopped believing in you. Who you were yesterday is not who you are today. You are a new creation. Walk in that love.”

No coincidences. How appropriate was this message for me? Completely totally appropriate. I was in the beginning of my journey of searching for answers (just like Neo) and many things were coming together in alignment in terms of those answers. I can still read this prophetic word even now (1.5 years later) and still receive new revelation from it. Like, literally as I typed this post, I finally understand what that word “ghosts” mean. I thought that it just meant “things” of the past. “Bad things”, or “unhappy experiences”. What it literally meant are demons.

I am currently reading a book called Spirit Wars by Kris Vallotton (more on that later), and he describes ghosts as not being disembodied spirits of the deceased, rather demons masquerading as them to fool us. The Bible says in Hebrews 9:27 Everyone must die once. Then they are judged.” There is no in between.

So what this word means now is that the demons that have been harassing me in my past cannot follow me into my new season of calling. Much later on, I received a message from the Holy Spirit with the exact same message. Walk as if you are a new creation. Well, what does this mean? I took this as a time stamp to literally walk as if I was never sick, with my past washed away, pretend that I was just born, and to make a conscious decision that I was never going to turn back.

Yes there were lots of ups and downs, which I will share with you in future posts. I still do not know what God has planned for me but I am very excited to find out. It might happen tomorrow, it might happen in 30 years, but I had made that decision just like Neo did. I had been down that other path before, and I know it’s not a place where I want to be. I chose the Red Pill.

Which pill do you chose?