Wow, 1 year and 6 months since my last post. A lot can happen in that time. Like having a baby.
In a previous post, I wrote about how I had a baby dream. Now at that time, I already had a 7 year old and I had absolutely NO plans of having another baby. EVER. There were many reasons, mainly because I was sick for so long. And my first child was very high maintenance in his first couple of years that it turned me off from having any more kids.
Fast forward to 2014 and that baby dream. Deep down, I always wanted to have another child. I think that dream kind of spoke to me in several ways. I knew it wasn’t a random dream. God had given me that dream in a 2 fold way a) the baby’s name meant “God’s Promise”, meaning that he was going to take me out of the hell I was enduring. b) that it was possible that I would one day hold a baby, despite that I didn’t want one at that time. And that it was going to be a boy, despite the fact that I wanted a girl.
But time was ticking and I was approaching 40. It was now or never. A year later, after much discussion with my husband, we decided to try to have another baby. He loves kids and he was always on board it was just up to me and he would be supportive in any way he could be. Ok. Let’s go have a baby then!
Easier said than done.
First month, negative. Second month, negative, Third month, negative. Fourth month, negative. But God! Didn’t you give me that dream of me holding that baby? Why are you putting me through this misery? I continued to pray for this baby every single day. I remember even one night, I screamed to this unborn baby and said “Mommy is waiting for you to come to me from Heaven!”
It’s funny how you don’t realize how much you want something when you can’t get it. I guess that’s human nature.
Ok. Let’s call in the troops. We had kept this a secret from everyone. But we decided to call our best friend (who’s a Pastor of a church). He had mentioned to me before that he had prayed with several couples who had a hard time conceiving and next thing you know, they got pregnant, and continued to get pregnant. So we asked him to pray for us. He doesn’t live in our city, so him and his wife prayed over us through the phone.
But just to backtrack, I have known him since I was 12, so we go a long ways back, and my husband has known him even longer than I, he was actually our best man at our wedding, and I’m telling you this because of what I am about to say next. I get a text from him that said something like this: “I was praying to God and asked Him when a good time for you to go and conceive, and that date is TONIGHT, so get on it!”. When I got that text, I was like “UMMMM… ok… we have reached a whole new level of friendship. LOL”. I tested what he was saying so I opened up my girly app (I have been tracking and charting my cycles for the past 12 months +) and even to my surprise, that night WAS the NIGHT according to the app. I knew this, believe me, because I have all I was doing was researching conception charts for the past 6 months.
Ok, so if you think I’m crazy now and have gone completely whacko nuts, you can just close this window and go about your day and perhaps fly at kite or something, perhaps this blog is not for you. But trust me, I have been where you are, questioning and skeptical on just about everything, trying to find logical explanations to this thing called life. But once you have gone on this side, there is no turning back.
Anyway, the next month comes…. and NOTHING. Negative. I text my friend and he was bewildered. I said “You know what? God doesn’t lie. You asked Him plain and simple, what was the best time? And He answered you. It WAS the best time, I can attest to that with my charting. But that didn’t mean a baby was going to be conceived. Maybe the wrong question was asked.”
So we kept praying and another month had passed, and we had booked a trip to Mexico, which was in the works for a long time. I told God that if it doesn’t happen by month 7, that I am calling it quits and perhaps it just wasn’t meant to be. I really didn’t worry about it at all and I didn’t blame God for anything.
When we got back from Mexico, I said this is it. This is the last time. I’m not trying anymore only to be disappointed again. I had a dentist appointment the week after and they wanted to take some X-rays and asked if I was pregnant. I spoke in faith. I said “There’s a chance that I could be.” And I didn’t do the X-ray.
2 weeks later, taking a deep breath as I was about to pee on a stick for the millionth time, preparing to be disappointed. POSITIVE! It’s funny how things work out and how God surprises you in the midst. And just to go off tangent, Dollar Store pregnancy tests do work, so save your money.
In some prayer time, I asked God why this date? Why now? I sensed in my spirit that I had to wait another month because of the whole Zika fiasco happening in Mexico. Had the whole conception thing happened around or before our trip, given my personality and paranoia, I would have thought the worst. Maybe God was trying to save me from all that.
My entire pregnancy wasn’t fun. Everything was fine except the nausea, far worse than my first child. I even bought the book Supernatural Childbirth and read it 5 times. Well, I persevered and just dealt with it. I was not worried about this pregnancy at all and knew that everything was literally in God’s hands and that this baby was protected. Even with all the prenatal screenings because of my age.
Everybody was predicting a girl, but I knew in my heart of hearts, that it was a boy because of my dream. October 2016 finally came and despite the fact that I read that book and prayed consistently, he didn’t arrive without pain. I was 10 days late, but took it in stride and I did get the epidural in the end. We did have to stay in the hospital due to some mild jaundice, but everything turned out really well, the hospital staff was amazing and I was really taken well care of. I had an incredible experience.
And guess what, his middle name is Anaiah. And I love him to death.